Take the 5-minute Relationship Test

One of our favourite books is Hold Me Tight by Dr Sue Johnson. Sue is one of the developers of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is the style of relationship counselling we practice in our couples clinic in Melbourne.

In her book, Sue promotes a model called A.R.E, which stands for:

·         Accessible: Can you reach for your partner?

·         Responsive: Can you rely on your partner to respond to you?

·         Engaged: Do you know your partner will value you and stay close?

You can use the simple questions below to gauge where you are at in your relationship in terms of the A.R.E model.

To take this test, just answer True or False to the questions. And count the number of True responses you get.

From your perspective, is your partner accessible to you?

1.       I can easily get the attention of my partner.

2.       It is easy to connect with my partner emotionally.

3.       I know that I come first with my partner.

4.       I am not feeling shut out or lonely in this relationship.

5.       I can share my deepest feelings with my partner and they will listen.

From your perspective, is your partner responsive to you? 

6.       If I need connection and comfort, my partner will be there for me.

7.       My partner responds to signals that I need them to be close to me.

8.       When I am anxious or unsure, I can lean on my partner.

9.       Even when we fight, I still know that I am important to my partner.

10.   If I need reassurance from my partner about how important I am, I can get it.

Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?

11.   I am comfortable being close to and trusting my partner.

12.   I can confide in my partner about almost anything.

13.   I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other.

14.   I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears.

15.   I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner.

How did you go?

If you scored 7 or above, you have a fantastic foundation to your relationship. Congratulations! You can read the articles on our blog or explore our couples counselling service to further enhance your relationship. We strongly believe that a thriving garden does best when you keep watering it!

If your scored below 7, that’s very normal too. It just highlights that there are probably some real opportunities for improvement. And you might be surprised how quickly things can improve.

In our couples counselling clinic in Melbourne, we see lots of couples who initially have very low scores on this test. There is nothing more satisfying to us to see couples go from say a 3 to a 7 in the space of a few short months. This literally transforms their lives.

We love to help couples build better relationships. That’s our purpose.

Do you feel your relationship might need some help? Do you think you could benefit from couples counselling? We offer a free no-obligation 10-minute consultation over the phone to see if our service might be a good fit for you.